Submitted by Carmen Tibbs

 

There’s a big difference between punishment and discipline.  Punishment gives a negative consequence, but discipline means “to teach.”  Punishment is negative; discipline is positive. Punishment focuses on past misdeeds. Discipline focuses on future good deeds.  Punishment is often motivated by anger. Discipline is motivated by love. Punishment focuses on justice to balance the scales.  Discipline focuses on teaching, to prepare for the next time. 

 

The child who teases relentlessly, the child who whines for a snack and the child who bickers with his brother all have one thing in common:  a need to change patterns of behavior and a need to change the heart.  Some parents only use punishment or anger to motivate their children to act differently.  This attitude says, “If I just point out the problem enough times, he’ll eventually change.”

 

What these children really need is firm correction with a positive focus.  Be sure to tell your children what they should do in place of the unwanted behavior.  Teach them right responses to replace the negative ones.  Have them practice doing the right thing before they are free to go.  It takes more work to discipline instead of punish, but the rewards are certainly worth it.  Children grow and develop new patterns of healthy responses.

 

Here are a few ways to improve the art of being positive with your children

Yes, you can have a cookie after dinner.

Yes, you can stay up until 9:00 pm on Friday night

 

“I understand you better when you talk without crying at the same time.”

“You can build with sand — it’s not for throwing.”

 

“Thanks for being quiet when I’m on the phone.”

“You picked up your toys without being asked — GREAT!”

 

“You can read one book before bedtime.”

“You can go to the park if you clean your room first.”

 

“I think you’re neat.”

“I’ve been thinking about you.”

 

These ideas taken from the book Home Improvment, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller on the website biblicalparenting.org,  and Living Springs Preschool Parent Pages 2008.