For me, loneliness was one of my most miserable experiences. I know everyone feels lonely at times. Sometimes loneliness is a temporary condition that departs in a few hours or a couple days. But when you’re burdened with this emotion for weeks, months, or even years, it’s definitely telling you something.

In a sense, loneliness is like a toothache: It’s a warning signal that something is wrong. And like a toothache, if it’s left untreated, it usually gets worse. Your first response to loneliness may be to self-medicate – to try home remedies to make it go away. You may think that if you fill your life with so many activities that you don’t have time to think about your loneliness, and you’ll be cured. But busyness misses the message. It’s like trying to heal a toothache by taking your mind off it. Busyness is only a distraction, not a cure.

Like me, perhaps you have thought that if you purchase something new, if you “reward” yourself, you’ll feel better. And surprisingly, you do feel better – but only for a short while. Buying things to fix your loneliness is like a painkiller. Sooner or later the numbing effect wears off. Then the pain comes back as strong as ever before. Buying can also compound your problems with a mountain of credit card debt.

You also may believe that intimacy is what you need, so you make an unwise choice. Like the prodigal son, after you come to your senses, you’re horrified to discover that this attempt at a cure not only makes loneliness worse, it also makes you desperate and settle for almost anything. This response to loneliness always ends in feelings of isolation and regret.

We need to begin with a correct understanding of this warning signal. Loneliness is God’s way of telling us that we have a relationship problem. While that may seem understandable, there’s more to it than just surrounding ourselves with people. Doing that is the same as busyness, but using crowds instead of activities.

God’s answer to loneliness is not the quantity of your relationships, but the quality.

How is your relationship with God? Is it close and intimate, like that of a loving, caring father and his child? Or is your relationship with God cold and distant, only superficial?

As you reconnect with God and your prayers become more conversational and less formal, you’ll actually feel God’s presence. His reassurance is not just your imagination. We worship a God who lives among his people through the Holy Spirit. Loneliness is God’s way, first, of drawing us closer to him, then forcing us to reach out to other people.

For many of us (like me) improving our relationships with others and letting them get close to us is a unpleasant cure, as dreaded as taking your toothache to a dentist. But satisfying, meaningful relationships take time and work. We’re afraid to open up. We’re afraid to let another person open up to us.

Friendship requires giving, but it also requires taking, and many of us would rather be independent. Yet the persistence of your loneliness should tell you that your past stubbornness didn’t work either.

If you gather the courage to restore your relationship with God, then with others, you’ll find your loneliness lifting. This is not a spiritual Band-Aid, but a real cure that works.

Your risks toward others will be rewarded. You’ll find someone who understands and cares, and you’ll find others whom you understand and care about as well. Like a visit to the dentist, this cure turns out to be not only final, but much less painful than you feared.

Posted under Women's Advice