by Chris McQuay

There are few motivators more powerful than relationships. When we believe another person has our best interests in mind, we are willing to give more effort, go the second mile. But if trust is not established, if we don’t know the leader has our backs, then it’s much more difficult to give more than just the minimum. People are not going to go above and beyond the duty to help a leader they don’t believe would do the same for them. It’s all about their relationship.  Is it healthy?  Is it strong?

The concept of relational leadership is not new. Women excel at relationships…well…maybe we don’t ALL excel, but we were designed by God for relationships.  While little girls have their tea PARTIES, chatting up a storm, little boys are pushing cars going voom, voom.  We know that as women we are more verbal and more geared for relationships.  But do you realize that the effectiveness of your leadership will  rise or fall on those relationships?  A task oriented person may produce decisive results, but those results will be temporary.  The high capacity task oriented person gets things done.  But without strong relationship skills, eventually their team will experience low morale, the ministry will become ineffective, and may experience unnecessary staff turnover.  There will always be change.  Growing things do.  But the way a leader connects and communicates with people will determine the level of success that ministry will experience.   Women, you were created for this.

Ministry is all about people, about individuals.  You really can’t take a cookie-cutter approach to the relationships in your ministry.  Every person is different; get to know the members of your team individually.  Find out what motivates each one, and then incorporate that information into how you lead them.  However, there are a few general rules that will help your relationships.  As a leader of leaders you should:  

1.      Get your act together.  Is that harsh?  Okay, maybe.  Let me try putting it another way.  “Birds of a feather flock together.”  Is that better?  You are going to attract people to your ministry that are very similar to yourself.  So take a careful look in the mirror.  Do you like who you are?  You better.  You need to be comfortable with yourself.  You need to like who you are.  If you learn to get along with yourself, then you’ll find it will be easier to get along with the people around you. Once you are happy with yourself, then you can make a commitment to grow.  Once you like the person you are, then you can work to upgrade your knowledge and skills.  A leader of leaders continually grows in their knowledge of God, people skills, and ministry skills.   But that growth must come out of a well adjusted heart and mind.  

2.      Learn to network.  Leaders of leaders cultivate the ability to build and maintain relationships.  Make the effort to deepen and form new relationships.  I know it takes a lot of time and energy.  I KNOW that as a leader you have plenty of other responsibilities that demand your attention.    I know it’s tempting to put relationship building on the back burner while you focus on these other things, but please don’t. When you invest in relationships; with the people you lead and your peers, you build a network that can provide encouragement, inspiration and support during good times and bad times.

Continue to expand your network of relationships, create contacts with people who are interesting or could be helpful in achieving your ministry goals.  It sounds almost mercenary and would be, if you were intent on manipulating people for your own ends. But this is about creating a pool of people resources from which you can recruit.  The best recruiting tool is relationships, your relationships and the relationships of the people on your leadership team and volunteer base.  An announcement from the platform will give you little results, but friends recruiting friends, now that’s another story.  

3.      Be friendly.  I know sometimes I’m focused, very focused.  I’ve scared more than a few people with my “I’m on a mission” look.  But I’m trying to change.  I know it’s important to take time to speak to people.  A simple cheerful word of greeting can make someone’s day…really.  Oh and smile.  A smile is contagious, encouraging and can turn your own emotions around. Call people by their name…the sweetest music to anyone’s ear is the sound of their own name!  Be genuinely interested in people.  Instead of talking about yourself, ask questions about them.  Listen to their answers and remember the little things they tell you.  If necessary, create a file.  Remember anniversaries, birthdays, or details about previous conversations.

4.      Be approachable and available.  Have an open door policy.  Be quick to respond to needs.  Show compassion and sensitivity.  Be considerate of the feelings of others.  Work at putting people at ease.  Understand and respect cultural, socioeconomic, gender and racial differences.  It’s a must in a multi-cultural environment like ours.  It’ll help if you value people.  When you value your leadership team, your volunteers, and the people to whom you are ministering, it keeps you from handling situations badly simply because you’re having a bad day.  They are precious.  They’re God’s kids.  You can’t just give lip service to valuing people.  It’s not something you can fake. But it is something you can receive from God if you ask.

5.      Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.  You must be able to clearly communicate information, objectives and procedures for whatever tasks you are assigning.  You must be able to communicate ideas and create a vision with your words.  But you also need to consider the reactions and convictions of others.  Encourage your team to share their ideas and opinions.  Remember that communication goes both ways.  A leader of leaders is a good listener as well as a good speaker.  When you listen you help give the people in your team a sense of purpose in what they’re doing.  

6.      Be Supportive.  A leaders of leaders provides emotional support to their team.  Please recognize the importance of encouragement.  Encouragement is giving courage.  It’s inspiring confidence and giving recognition of a job well done.  Be generous with praise and cautious with criticism!  Make sure that it’s genuine and be specific.  When someone helps you accomplish a goal; never take it for granted. Be quick to write a thank you note, an e-mail, make a call or brag on others publicly. Catch people doing something right and focus on recognizing excellent performance. Provide positive reinforcement, issue awards, or use a newsletter to highlight specific achievements.  Find out how people “feel” thanked and then use their “thank you” language.  Take the time and energy to celebrate individual and team performance.

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Rom 12:1-3 NLT