The most honorable, reverend, apostle, prophet, pastor, bishop, First Lady, Pastor’s Wife greets you.  No, I don’t think so.  Nowhere in scripture do we read about elevating people with titles…just the opposite.  When Jesus knew that He only had only one night left to teach the leaders of the church that would be established by His blood; He didn’t pass out titles. He dressed like a slave, washed His follower’s feet and modeled humility as the most important quality of a leader.

A person’s character, not her giftedness nor her title, determines the effectiveness of her ministry in the kingdom of God.  I have used the illustration of a toothpaste tube and our words on a number of occasions, but let’s use it differently.  Squeeze a tube of toothpaste and what comes out?  Shampoo?  Soap?  No, of course not - toothpaste.  When you are squeezed, what comes out of you?  Does love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control flows out of your heart?

If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good!  But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know

what he’s talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-

hungry.  He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For    if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God’s church?  He must not be a new believer, lest the position go to his head and the Devil trip him up. Outsiders must think well of him, or else the Devil will figure out a way to lure him into his trap. 1 Tim 3:1-7  (msg)

I’d like you to re-read this passage making it gender specific to you.  You’ll see that character traits of women leaders are the same as men.  It’s…

·          Humility / Even though people will say wonderful things about you, don’t believe your own press.  It really isn’t about you.   

·          Respected / A leader must be well thought of in the congregation: someone who is looked up to, someone proven to have sound judgment.  You already have a reputation.  Do you know what it is?  We should have a reputation of being wise, and fair …not thin-skinned.   People outside of the church should also speak well of us.

·          Integrity / A leader should live a life that cannot be spoken against, without lying.  When Daniel’s peers looked at his life, they could find nothing of which to accuse him.  It sounds simple, but in our culture, we were raised with “situation ethics.”   It’s not hard to think that our situation is somehow different and for us it is acceptable considering the circumstances.  But we must walk as if Jesus was walking beside us in front of the whole church.  There are no private moments.  What is done in secret, will be revealed.

·          Hospitable / We should welcome people, be friendly, helpful, and accessible.  We should enjoy occasionally having people in our home.  It is not about how fancy or clean our homes are, it’s about relationships.

·          Blameless Conversations / We need to know how to manage our mouths…I don’t know if control is altogether possible.  But we do need to know when to speak and when to keep silent. Know the difference between prayer requests and gossip.  We need to understand what makes good casual conversation and what should be held in complete confidence.  We need to seek to be sensitive to do and say only what the Father directs us to do and say.

·          Good family life / We should be able to handle our own affairs well, and our families should be examples to the families of our church and community.  Be attentive to your children, earning their respect.  This will require time, quality and quantity.  Reserve a night a week for “Family Night” to do something fun with the children.  Be there for sports games and concerts.  Help with homework and with tears.  Be committed to your spouse and let everyone around you know of your commitment.  Go out on dates, do things that are fun.  Play together and pray together.  Invest in your family.  

·          Serious  / Reverent.  I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have a sense of humor.  But in our attitude towards ministry there needs to be sense of gravity and dignity combined, a seriousness of purpose and self-respect in conduct.  Too many times I’ve caught myself being flippant when I should have seriously listened to the need.  Make sure that you follow through with your word.  If you promise to call or to pray, do it.

Oh, and by the way…

The same goes for those who want to be servants in the church …They must be reverent before the mystery of the faith, not using their position to try to run things. Let them prove themselves first. If they show they can do it, take them on. No exceptions are to be made for women — same qualifications:

 1 Tim 3:8-11 MSG

Posted under Pastor's Wives