Remember the good old days when you used to swagger off the playground and shout over your shoulders at your small critics, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It wasn’t true then and it still isn’t. Words can hurt worse than sticks or stones. And if you’re in ministry you’ll get more than your fair share of sticks AND stones. Any person out in front gets their fair share of criticism; politicians, corporate leaders, educators and any other leadership position you can think of. Those of us in ministry are not exempt.

It seems like when you’ve given the very last drop of your blood, someone comes along and complains about the color or texture. What is it that’s often said? Oh, yeah…they add insult to injury. When you’re seemingly at the end of yourself, someone comes along and complains, making it all even more difficult. David complained, “They kept confronting me in the day of my disaster” (Psalm 18:18). Even with a healthy self image, criticism still hurts. One of the reasons criticism is so difficult is because it often comes from people who are least qualified to give it. They don’t have the whole story. They don’t know all that you’re going through. And it’s usually the most flawed individuals who think it is their right, no, their responsibility to raise serious attacks on you, your family or ministry. Oh, yeah, and they don’t seem to know the rule about sandwiching constructive criticism with praise. It’s hard enough to take criticism when it’s given with consideration and love. But some of the stuff with which we have to deal is vague and downright harsh. So how do you deal with it? Not easily, that’s for sure. But here are some things I found help.

Pray Honestly. Just as Jesus was honest in the garden with all that He was feeling, tell your Heavenly Father exactly how you’re feeling. Don’t “sugar coat it.” God can take it. Don’t unload your initial reactions on your spouse. Take your fears and pain to God first; let Him calm your heart. Find a confidant, someone with whom you can be honest, who will listen and pray with you, and most importantly keep your confidence. Long distance friends can often help. Once you have a little perspective, share it all with your spouse. You don’t want to back up the truck and dump your concerns on your spouse. But with wisdom, and perspective from God and a friend you may want to reveal how you’re affected by the criticism. When is the proper time to open up? There are no easy answers or formulas to follow. God knows and He will let you know the proper time as you wait on Him.

Share. Ask your spouse what he thinks about the criticism. You don’t have to know all the details. Let him know that you are not asking him to fix anything. Tell him what you need from him. It might be sympathy, understanding of how fragile you’re feeling right now or prayer. If you do want advice, ask for it. But give parameters, boundaries, guidelines to help him understand what you need.

Be Open. There may be a kernel of truth in what has been said. Before you reject it out of hand, look for the one point, the one thing that may be true. Look beyond your pain, the words that were used, or the attitude with which it was said. Ask God if there is an element of truth. Ask your confidant. Ask your husband. If there is an element of truth ask God to help you to change. Look to Him for an action plan. If there is absolutely NO TRUTH AT ALL…everyone concurs…then reject it all out of hand. Forgive the person for their criticism and MOVE ON. Let it go.

Hold On To Hope. Remember Joseph? “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Gen. 50:20). Joseph saw beyond the difficulty to see the guiding hand of God through it all. Of course He had the benefit of hindsight. But it’s a good lesson to remember. God can use everything… even our critics… for our good. The stones thrown can be gathered and used to build a stronger relationship with Christ and a more enduring marriage and ministry. You go girl. You’re God’s favorite daughter. Keep that in mind the next time the critics come out to play.

Posted under Pastor's Wives