by Anita Reese

Prayer is not a mysterious practice reserved only for clergy and the spiritually dedicated. Prayer is simply communicating with God - listening and talking to him. Believers can pray from the heart, freely, spontaneously, and in their own words. If prayer is a difficult area for you, learn these basics principles of prayer and how to apply them in your life.

What Does the Bible Have to Say About Prayer?

The Bible has a lot to say about prayer. The first mention of prayer is found in Genesis, chapter 4.

Genesis 4:26
And as for Seth, to him also a son was born; and he named him Enosh. Then men began to call on the name of the LORD. (NKJV)

What is the Correct Posture for Prayer?

There is no correct or certain posture for prayer. In the Bible people prayed on their knees (1 Kings 8:45), bowing (Exodus 4:31), on their faces before God (2 Chronicles 20:18; Matthew 26:39), and standing (1 Kings 8:22). You may pray with your eyes opened or closed, quietly or out loud — however you are most comfortable and least distracted.

Why Should I Pray?

Prayer Develops Our Relationship with God.
If we never speak to our spouse or never listen to anything our spouse might have to say to us, our marriage relationship will quickly deteriorate. It is the same way with God. Prayer - communicating with God - helps us grow closer and more intimately connected with God.

Zechariah 13:9
I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure, just as gold and silver are refined and purified by fire. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘These are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’ “ (NLT)

John 15:7
But if you stay joined to me and my words remain in you, you may ask any request you like, and it will be granted! (NLT)

The Lord Instructed Us to Pray.
One of the simplest reasons to spend time in prayer is because the Lord instructed us to pray. Obedience is a natural by-product of discipleship.

Matthew 26:41
“Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!” (NLT)

Luke 18:1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. (NIV)

Ephesians 6:18
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. (NIV)

What If I Don’t Know How to Pray?

The Holy Spirit will help you in prayer when you don’t know how to pray.

Romans 8:26-27
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. (NIV)

Why are Some Prayers Not Answered?

Sometimes our prayers are not answered. The Bible gives several reasons or causes for failure in prayer:

• Disobedience - Deuteronomy 1:45; 1 Samuel 14:37
• Secret Sin - Psalm 66:18
• Indifference - Proverbs 1:28
• Neglect of mercy - Proverbs 21:13
• Despising the Law - Proverbs 28:9
• Bloodguiltiness - Isaiah 1:15
• Iniquity - Isaiah 59:2; Micah 3:4
• Stubbornness - Zechariah 7:13
• Instability or Doubt - James 4:3

Sometimes our prayers are refused. Prayer must be in accord with God’s divine will.

1 John 5:14
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. (NIV)

Posted under Women's Advice

Posted under Women's Advice

As single women, we often put conditions on our happiness.

We say, “When I get married, then I’ll be happy” or “When I have children, then I’ll be happy,” or “When I have a nice family, a comfortable home, and a fulfilling, high-paying job, then I’ll be happy.”

We make the absence of loneliness one of the conditions of our happiness too. We assume that we can’t be happy until everything is perfect in our life, which means no more loneliness.

But there’s misery for single women when we put conditions on our happiness. We slip into the trap of postponing our life.

The Truth About Loneliness

Marriage doesn’t guarantee an end to loneliness. Millions of married people are lonely too, still looking for a level of understanding and acceptance their spouse doesn’t give them.

The truth is that loneliness is an unavoidable part of the human condition, as even Jesus found out. He was the most well-adjusted person who ever lived, yet he knew times of deep loneliness too.

If you accept the truth that loneliness is unavoidable, what can you do about it?

I think you can decide how big a role you’re willing to let loneliness play in your life. You can refuse to let it dominate your existence. That’s a daring approach. If you take a stand that bold, you’ll only be able to achieve it if you rely on the Holy Spirit for help.

None of us turns to the Holy Spirit as often as we should. We forget that it’s the real presence of Christ on earth, living within us to give encouragement and guidance.

When you invite the Holy Spirit to supervise your attitude, you can become a happy person who knows occasional times of loneliness, instead of a lonely person who knows occasional times of happiness. That’s not a play on words. It’s a real, achievable goal.

Seeing What’s at Stake

To be dominated by happiness instead of loneliness, you have to admit that the calendar is turning on you. You have to see that every day spent feeling lonely and miserable is a day you can never get back.

I wish I had understood that in my 20s and 30s. Now, as I get older, I realize that every moment is precious. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. You can’t allow the enemy to steal them from you through the temptation of loneliness.

Loneliness is a temptation and not a sin, but when you give in to it and pay it undue attention, you’re giving loneliness too much control.

One way to keep loneliness in check is to refuse to label yourself as a victim. When you interpret every misfortune as a personal insult toward you, your negative outlook becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, recognize that bad things happen to everybody, but you make the choice whether you’ll become bitter over them.

Are We Praying for the Wrong Thing?

As I look back on my own life, I see now that I spent many years praying for the wrong thing. Instead of praying for a spouse and a happy marriage, I should have been asking God for courage. That’s what I needed. That’s what all singles need.

We need courage to overcome our fear of rejection. We need courage to reach out to other people. And most importantly, we need courage to recognize that we do have the choice to assign loneliness to a minor, infrequent role in our life.

Today, start saying, “I’m a happy person, who knows occasional times of loneliness. Loneliness doesn’t rule my life as it once did,” and you will begin to see the  heavy burden lifted by the Holy Spirit.

Our happiness and confidence are directly proportional to the degree that we singles surrender our life to God. When you do that, you can know joy and contentment, limiting loneliness to the insignificant role it deserves.

Posted under Women's Advice

I’m a 40 year old Christian woman and I have a difficult time forgiving. I have been hurt time after time by family members, past relationships, etc. I have built up a brick wall for years that won’t come down.  I would like to know how I can start to forgive so I can move on with my life.

It is not uncommon for Christians to have questions about forgiveness. Forgiveness does not come easy for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we’ve been injured. We don’t naturally overflow with mercy, grace and forgiveness when we’ve been wronged.

I believe forgiveness is a choice we make through a decision of our will, motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive.

We forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.

I believe God honors our commitment to obey Him and our desire to please Him when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in His time. We must continue to forgive (our job), by faith, until the work of forgiveness (the Lord’s job), is done in our hearts.

We will know the work of forgiveness is complete when we experience the freedom that comes as a result. We are the ones who suffer most when we choose not to forgive. When we do forgive, the Lord sets our hearts free from the anger, bitterness, resentment and hurt that previously imprisoned us.

Most times, however, forgiveness is a slow process. We forgive out of obedience to the Lord. It is a choice, a decision we make. However, as we do this “forgiving,” we discover the command is in place for our own good, and we receive the reward of our forgiveness - freedom

Posted under Women's Advice

Here are some common ways God talks to us:

-         His Word
In order to actually “hear” from God, we have to know some things about God’s character. We have to develop an understanding of who God is, and the way He does things. Fortunately for us, all that information is available in the Bible. The Bible goes into a lot of detail about how you can expect God to react, what kinds of expectations He has for us, and most specifically, how He expects us to treat other people.

-         Other People
Many times God will use other people to try to get through to us. It’s possible for God to use anyone at any time, but I find more messages coming from people who are practicing Christians than non-practicing ones.

-         Our Circumstances
Sometimes the only way God can teach us something is to allow circumstances in our life to lead us to and through the very thing we need to discover. One of my favorite authors, Joyce Meyer, says, “There’s no such thing as a drive-through break-through.”

-         The Still Small Voice
Most of the time God uses a tiny voice inside us to let us know when we’re not on the right path. Some people call it “the voice of peace.” Whenever we’re contemplating something and we don’t have peace about it, it’s a very good idea to stop and carefully look at the options. There’s a reason you don’t feel peace about it.

-        The Actual Voice
Sometimes we’re able to “hear” something in our spirit that sounds to us like an actual audible voice. Or all of a sudden, you just know you heard something. Pay attention to those occasions because it is very likely God is trying to tell you something.

Posted under Women's Advice

It’s been 5 months since my mom passed and I still can’t think of her without crying. I just wish for the day when I can think of my mom without crying. Why does it seem to last for so long? I’ve been very depressed lately and some days are better than others, but it often feels as  if I’m on a roller-coaster. I just want to keep it together for the rest of my family. I don’t like falling apart in front of everyone. I wish there was an easy solution to all of this pain. I just want my mom back in my life. I want her to be here for me! I want my dad to not be lonely. I know he is. I don’t know if writing this allows me to express how I feel, or is it just a reminder of how much I’ve lost?
 
 
You say it’s been just “five months since my mom passed and I still can’t think of her without crying.” First of all, I recently loss my Mom and I’m experiencing and still dealing with exactly the same things you are. Consider the fact that for your entire life on earth so far, your mother has been an important part of your daily life. Is it reasonable to expect that, barely five months after her death, you would be able to think of her without being moved to tears? Five months is a very short span of time, considering the magnitude of your loss - and because the initial shock and disbelief that normally serve to cushion a blow like this are beginning to wear off, you’re probably just now feeling the full force of belief. This is normal and to be expected. I did everything that you could imagine to deal with it as well, and you will never get over it, but it will get easier to live with.
 
Your description of feeling as if you’re on a roller-coaster couldn’t be more accurate - it is as if you’re stuck on a terrifying, nightmarish ride that you never asked to get on, you have no control over the ups and downs of it, you don’t want to be there, you have no way to predict when the ride will end, and you want desperately to get off as quickly as possible, but the person running the ride is nowhere in sight. You feel dizzy, nauseated, terrified, disoriented and confused, and your entire world has been turned completely upside down. Nothing feels right, and you don’t know when it all will end. Is there any more accurate description of grief than this? All I can tell you is that, gradually and over time, the ups and downs of this ride begin to level off somewhat. It won’t always feel as bad as it does right now, and eventually you will regain your bearings.
 
You say you want to “keep it together” because you don’t like “falling apart” in front of your family. I don’t know what other family members you’re referring to (husband, children, siblings etc.) but may I suggest that if and when they find you crying, you can simply reassure them that it’s not because of anything they did or failed to do that has you upset - and then you can go on to explain that you are simply feeling very, very sad because you’re missing Mom so much right now. Feeling, showing and verbalizing your own pain gives your family an example to follow, while holding back implies that feelings are to be suppressed. Refusing to cry in front of your family may lead them to wonder if you would cry if they died! Children and other family members need to know that crying is a natural and healthy way to release emotions.
 
You say you don’t want your dad to feel lonely - and yet, isn’t this exactly how you would expect him to feel at this point in his own grief journey? You cannot bring your mother back to him in a physical sense, but I wonder what would happen if together with your dad and your other family members you could find some ways to remember your mom, to bring her back in a different way, by bringing her to life in your conversations with one another? You can model reminiscing and talking openly about how much your mother meant to you and your family; you can go through photo albums and share special stories and find all sorts of ways to keep her memory alive, in your minds and in your hearts. So often we keep ourselves from mentioning the person who has died for fear of upsetting the bereaved — but do you really think your dad is thinking of anyone BUT your mother anyway? Maybe he is longing to hear someone speak her name and to talk about how much he misses her.
 
Finally, you say you’re not sure whether writing about all of this is helpful or whether it simply reminds you of how much you’ve lost. I suspect it’s both, but I want to encourage you to think not just of how much you’ve lost, but also of what you still have that your mother has given to you, to your dad and to the rest of the family, and to everyone else whose lives your mother touched in one way or another. How would she want to be remembered by you? What is the legacy that she has left to you? What has she given to you that will sustain you now, as you learn other ways of keeping her here with you, now that you are no longer separated by time and space and distance? Death may have ended your mother’s life, but it has not canceled it. She will always be your mother, and you will always be her daughter. She will always be a part of who you are, and the relationship you have with her will live forever. This helped soothe my pain and I hope it  helps in soothing yours. Wishing you peace and healing….

Posted under Women's Advice

This year getting stress out of your life will take more than just prayer. You must take action to get rid of whatever is causing you to be stressed out. You can learn to change the way you handle things. Jesus invited us to come to Him if we are overburdened. He promised to refresh us if we are weary, worn out, or overworked. Take time to go to Jesus anytime you feel that you are going over the edge of peace and into a stress mode. Let His presence refill and refresh the beginning of a Happy New You!!!

Posted under Women's Advice

It is easy to get overcommitted, burned out, bummed out, worn out, and stressed out if you are trying to keep up with too many commitments during the holiday season.  It is out of balance to try to do everything. If you are happy doing what you do, keep doing it. But if it wears you out and robs you of peace, don’t do it. What sense does it make to commit to something, and then murmur and complain about it while you are doing it?
 
Being overcommitted will frustrate you. Anxiety is usually a sign that God never told you to do what you are doing in the first place. To avoid frustration in your life during this season, keep in balance and have peace

Posted under Women's Advice

I have a friend who is not of a born again Christian.  He says that he believes and that he wants us to have an open relationship. I am afraid that I may give into a relationship with him that I may not know how to walk away from.  I do not want God to punish me, but I am afraid to wait.  It seems like I am just getting older. Should I trust him on face value that he will allow this relationship to be “no” sex, until a marriage or should I just walk away?  I have been taught to wait for confirmation in seeking a “true” mate.  How long do I have to wait?

First and foremost, God said that we should not be unequally yoked.  The first red flag is open relationship. When you’re trying to establish a serious relationship, never agree to an open relationship, which means…to come and go as you pleased (why even be in a relationship?). Second red flag, he mentioned upfront his guidelines…so therefore, if all fails he will not be responsible for any let downs or unfulfilled commitments, which doesn’t even fall in the same category with your desires. God always give us warning before destruction.  In this case, it all speaks for itself (never compromise)- that’s a trick of the enemy. Also, you used the word afraid…that right there indicates that you are in doubt to begin with. If you have doubts even before getting into a relationship, then that’s your confirmation…just walk away. God will send you the right man (at the right time) but you have to be specific in your prayers. Specific prayers, get specific answers. Ask God to send you the exact type of man you are wishing and praying for, not just anybody. While waiting, get prepared. Know your limitations…what you want and what you don’t want.

Posted under Women's Advice

I have been dating a wonderful man for almost a year now, we have so much in common, it keeps us fascinated, because we are so much alike. My only problem is that my 17 year old son makes me feel like I’m dating the wrong person and he tells me I should move on to someone new, because he is not the one for me. I have been in some really bad relationships in the past, but this relationship is so much different. It’s a Godly relationship, and he really sees me for who I am. How do I help my son see what I see in my relationship? My desire is for the three of us to just get along and my son to be happy with my choice.

May~
 
You stated that you have been in some really bad relationships in the past and I’m sure your son has been aware of that. It seems as though your son has been the man in your life during those bad times in your past relationships. In your son’s eye sight there is no such thing as a “good man” for you. In order for your son to see what you see, he needs to spend some time with this “wonderful man” for him to see what you see. Try arranging them to see a game together or leave them alone together…”kinda ease into it”. Don’t give your son the impression that you’re trying to force him on him. When they have had an opportunity to spend time together he will get to see another side of him instead of labeling him like the rest of them. If you have already tried any of these techniques, just give it some time because if he’s as wonderful as you say he is, any resentment or jealousy that your son may have towards him will soon fade away and he won’t have any other choice but to accept him, but he must see for himself.

Posted under Women's Advice