Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work… Is that the song your spirit is singing today?  Does it feel like all you do is work?  If you do, you’re in trouble.  Although a good work ethic is applauded in scripture and is a prerequisite in ministry, workaholism isn’t.  Ladies it would benefit all of us in ministry if we were to recognize the vital connection between physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well being. Not only is wholeness of body, soul and spirit an essential element of our spiritual journey, but overall good health provides the foundation for any meaningful ministry that we need to do.

A holistic approach to our whole body, soul and spirit obviously incorporates the development of the whole person. Just as physical illness can leave us feeling emotionally drained, mental stress or emotional uneasiness can cause physical symptoms such as tiredness or sickness. A lack of wholeness in any area of our life ultimately spills over and affects how we minister. We know this.  This isn’t some new revelation straight from the throne of God.  But even if we know it, are we truly living it?  Are you?  Are you putting things in place in your life to insure to take care of you…all of you?

Cause here’s the good news…the contrary is also true.  As you nurture any one aspect of your being, the other aspects are enhanced as well. It’s a gift to yourself that keeps on giving.  And as you take care of any one part of yourself, it spills over and positively impacts your ministry. There’s lots of research that substanitates the claim that improving our health results in increased motivation and productivity. In short, striving wholeness in your body, soul and spirit will help you gain the necessary energy to meet ministry’s challenges.

I know that we normally focus on the more spiritual aspects of our development, but I want to challenge you to day to take care of the whole you.  Develop yourself physically.  Develop yourself mentally.  As you do it will foster positive dhange and integrate health into your ministry.  It’s my prayer that we all become healthier vessels through which the ever-increasing healing power of the Holy Spirit will flow to others through you.  Working on this myself…chris mcquay

Posted under Pastor's Wives

Remember the good old days when you used to swagger off the playground and shout over your shoulders at your small critics, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It wasn’t true then and it still isn’t. Words can hurt worse than sticks or stones. And if you’re in ministry you’ll get more than your fair share of sticks AND stones. Any person out in front gets their fair share of criticism; politicians, corporate leaders, educators and any other leadership position you can think of. Those of us in ministry are not exempt.

It seems like when you’ve given the very last drop of your blood, someone comes along and complains about the color or texture. What is it that’s often said? Oh, yeah…they add insult to injury. When you’re seemingly at the end of yourself, someone comes along and complains, making it all even more difficult. David complained, “They kept confronting me in the day of my disaster” (Psalm 18:18). Even with a healthy self image, criticism still hurts. One of the reasons criticism is so difficult is because it often comes from people who are least qualified to give it. They don’t have the whole story. They don’t know all that you’re going through. And it’s usually the most flawed individuals who think it is their right, no, their responsibility to raise serious attacks on you, your family or ministry. Oh, yeah, and they don’t seem to know the rule about sandwiching constructive criticism with praise. It’s hard enough to take criticism when it’s given with consideration and love. But some of the stuff with which we have to deal is vague and downright harsh. So how do you deal with it? Not easily, that’s for sure. But here are some things I found help.

Pray Honestly. Just as Jesus was honest in the garden with all that He was feeling, tell your Heavenly Father exactly how you’re feeling. Don’t “sugar coat it.” God can take it. Don’t unload your initial reactions on your spouse. Take your fears and pain to God first; let Him calm your heart. Find a confidant, someone with whom you can be honest, who will listen and pray with you, and most importantly keep your confidence. Long distance friends can often help. Once you have a little perspective, share it all with your spouse. You don’t want to back up the truck and dump your concerns on your spouse. But with wisdom, and perspective from God and a friend you may want to reveal how you’re affected by the criticism. When is the proper time to open up? There are no easy answers or formulas to follow. God knows and He will let you know the proper time as you wait on Him.

Share. Ask your spouse what he thinks about the criticism. You don’t have to know all the details. Let him know that you are not asking him to fix anything. Tell him what you need from him. It might be sympathy, understanding of how fragile you’re feeling right now or prayer. If you do want advice, ask for it. But give parameters, boundaries, guidelines to help him understand what you need.

Be Open. There may be a kernel of truth in what has been said. Before you reject it out of hand, look for the one point, the one thing that may be true. Look beyond your pain, the words that were used, or the attitude with which it was said. Ask God if there is an element of truth. Ask your confidant. Ask your husband. If there is an element of truth ask God to help you to change. Look to Him for an action plan. If there is absolutely NO TRUTH AT ALL…everyone concurs…then reject it all out of hand. Forgive the person for their criticism and MOVE ON. Let it go.

Hold On To Hope. Remember Joseph? “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Gen. 50:20). Joseph saw beyond the difficulty to see the guiding hand of God through it all. Of course He had the benefit of hindsight. But it’s a good lesson to remember. God can use everything… even our critics… for our good. The stones thrown can be gathered and used to build a stronger relationship with Christ and a more enduring marriage and ministry. You go girl. You’re God’s favorite daughter. Keep that in mind the next time the critics come out to play.

Posted under Pastor's Wives

The most honorable, reverend, apostle, prophet, pastor, bishop, First Lady, Pastor’s Wife greets you.  No, I don’t think so.  Nowhere in scripture do we read about elevating people with titles…just the opposite.  When Jesus knew that He only had only one night left to teach the leaders of the church that would be established by His blood; He didn’t pass out titles. He dressed like a slave, washed His follower’s feet and modeled humility as the most important quality of a leader.

A person’s character, not her giftedness nor her title, determines the effectiveness of her ministry in the kingdom of God.  I have used the illustration of a toothpaste tube and our words on a number of occasions, but let’s use it differently.  Squeeze a tube of toothpaste and what comes out?  Shampoo?  Soap?  No, of course not - toothpaste.  When you are squeezed, what comes out of you?  Does love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control flows out of your heart?

If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good!  But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know

what he’s talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-

hungry.  He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For    if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God’s church?  He must not be a new believer, lest the position go to his head and the Devil trip him up. Outsiders must think well of him, or else the Devil will figure out a way to lure him into his trap. 1 Tim 3:1-7  (msg)

I’d like you to re-read this passage making it gender specific to you.  You’ll see that character traits of women leaders are the same as men.  It’s…

·          Humility / Even though people will say wonderful things about you, don’t believe your own press.  It really isn’t about you.   

·          Respected / A leader must be well thought of in the congregation: someone who is looked up to, someone proven to have sound judgment.  You already have a reputation.  Do you know what it is?  We should have a reputation of being wise, and fair …not thin-skinned.   People outside of the church should also speak well of us.

·          Integrity / A leader should live a life that cannot be spoken against, without lying.  When Daniel’s peers looked at his life, they could find nothing of which to accuse him.  It sounds simple, but in our culture, we were raised with “situation ethics.”   It’s not hard to think that our situation is somehow different and for us it is acceptable considering the circumstances.  But we must walk as if Jesus was walking beside us in front of the whole church.  There are no private moments.  What is done in secret, will be revealed.

·          Hospitable / We should welcome people, be friendly, helpful, and accessible.  We should enjoy occasionally having people in our home.  It is not about how fancy or clean our homes are, it’s about relationships.

·          Blameless Conversations / We need to know how to manage our mouths…I don’t know if control is altogether possible.  But we do need to know when to speak and when to keep silent. Know the difference between prayer requests and gossip.  We need to understand what makes good casual conversation and what should be held in complete confidence.  We need to seek to be sensitive to do and say only what the Father directs us to do and say.

·          Good family life / We should be able to handle our own affairs well, and our families should be examples to the families of our church and community.  Be attentive to your children, earning their respect.  This will require time, quality and quantity.  Reserve a night a week for “Family Night” to do something fun with the children.  Be there for sports games and concerts.  Help with homework and with tears.  Be committed to your spouse and let everyone around you know of your commitment.  Go out on dates, do things that are fun.  Play together and pray together.  Invest in your family.  

·          Serious  / Reverent.  I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have a sense of humor.  But in our attitude towards ministry there needs to be sense of gravity and dignity combined, a seriousness of purpose and self-respect in conduct.  Too many times I’ve caught myself being flippant when I should have seriously listened to the need.  Make sure that you follow through with your word.  If you promise to call or to pray, do it.

Oh, and by the way…

The same goes for those who want to be servants in the church …They must be reverent before the mystery of the faith, not using their position to try to run things. Let them prove themselves first. If they show they can do it, take them on. No exceptions are to be made for women — same qualifications:

 1 Tim 3:8-11 MSG

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Isaiah 54:2-5 Enlarge the place of your tent, And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; Lengthen your cords, the God of the whole earth. And strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, and your descendants will inherit the nations, and make the desolate cities inhabited.

1. Increase your desire for God

· Humble yourself (Ps. 69:32)

· Hunger and thirst for righteousness (Matt. 5:6)

· Confess your desire (Ps. 42)

· Seek God’s face (Ps. 27:8; Ps. 63:1-8)

· Press (Phil. 3:12-14)

2. Broaden your circle of influence

· Friends

· Contacts

· Prospects

3. Stretch your mind

· Natural

· Spiritual

4. Expand your ministry

· Leadership skills

· Vision

· Abilities

Posted under Pastor's Wives

 
Pastor’s wives have the unique privilege and responsibility of raising up leaders. Women will be drawn to you because of your position. How are you mentoring them? How are you developing them? My greatest joy as a leader doesn’t come from the things I’ve accomplished, but rather from the accomplishments of the women I am leading. It’s like being a mother and the joy we feel when our children do well. Please carefully ask yourself the following questions. I believe you’ll find insight and direction in your answers.
 
 
 * What is primarily on your mind when you go to worship; the ministry or service you will perform that day or seeing who is impacted by what you do?
* When you see a new person at church, do you think of her as a new member or a potential servant? Do you even notice new members?
* When you get up in the morning, do you reach first for your “to do” list or a “to be” list?

· When you get up in the morning, do you think about what you must do or who you will mentor?

* When you pray, do you pray for God to send more servants your way?
* How do you think of yourself – a leader or an equipper?
* The big question: “How much time do I spend mentoring future leaders and holding our present leaders accountable?”
* How do you identify potential servants for your ministry, leaders, and potential replacements?
* In an average month, how many people do you invite to be a part of your ministry and/or leadership team? How do you invite them?
* How do you release people to serve or be served? On average, how many people a year do you release?

* Usually ten people is the maximum number for coaching at one time. This doesn’t mean you don’t have responsibility for more than ten people. This simply means that you are personally pouring yourself into 10 people. Are you? If not, when and how will you start?

Posted under Pastor's Wives

Posted under Pastor's Wives

No…I’m not talking about that kind of intimacy.  But come to think about it…it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea.  No, the intimacy I’m talking about is in our relationship with God.  Have you ever run out of gas?  How did you feel?  Personally, I felt stupid that I had let such a thing happen to me, when there are gas stations in abundance.  Erroneously, I had thought that I was too busy to stop for gas and that I could go on just a little bit longer.  I was wrong.

How many times have you and I run out of gas spiritually, emotionally and/or physically?  Although there have been opportunities to stop and refuel, if we would have just taken them, we keep on going because there is so much to do. There are SOOOO many responsibilities with being a woman in leadership.  We think that we can make it just a little bit farther.   We long for that quiet time with God, but there are so many demands on our time, that we relegate our time alone with God to snatches here and there.  But what we need; what our soul desires is a heart-to-heart chat with our dear Savior and Friend.

What we are hungering for is intimacy with God.  The word intimacy comes from the Latin intimus, which means innermost.  God’s desire is to let you and me in on His innermost thoughts.  “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”  Jer. 33:3  This takes time, focus and yes, effort.  But it is worth it.  Here are some creative ideas that can help give your prayer time a punch or at least give it freshness.

1.       Make your prayer more concrete by writing it out as a letter to Jesus.

2.       Go on a prayer walk, talking to the Lord as you walk along.

3.       Pray through Scripture.  Write out verses and personalize them with your name.  For example, Psalm 84:11, “No good thing does he withhold from Susan.”

4.       Make a poster with one of your favorite verses on it.  You may choose to take a photo and have it developed into a poster, then write the verse on the poster.

5.       Read the Bible through, mark it up and give it as a gift to a child.  As you read, try to picture God through his or her eyes.  Mark verses that you think will help the child in the transitions to come.

6.       Make “devotion baskets” and place them in several areas of your home.  Decorate each basket and place in it a pen, a Bible, a devotional or inspirational book and paper.

7.       Sing for your entire time with God.  You may want to try your hand at songwriting too.

8.       Dance before the Lord like David.  Maybe you enjoy Jewish dancing or ballet.  Try it in your alone time with God.

9.       Begin a miracle scrapbook, similar to the one that we have in our prayer room.  However, keep photos and mementos that will remind you of God’s grace to you and can be passed down as a heritage to your children.

I could go on and on…but why don’t you send me some of your ideas and I will share them on the web next month.  E-mail them to me at pastorc@clctoday.org.

Thank you and God bless you!!!

Posted under Pastor's Wives

Integrity is a character trait I’m sure we would all like to see more in our political, business, as well as ministerial leaders.  Unfortunately, it’s something often talked about, but not often observed.  So what does integrity look like?  What is it exactly?  The best way I can describe it is being complete, wholeness, unimpaired condition, soundness, uprightness, honest and sincerity.  Integrity is closely linked to words like honesty, truth, honor veracity, reliability, uprightness and holiness.  So how does integrity apply to women of influence?  How do women in leadership walk it out?

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”  (1 Cor. 10:31)  As a woman of influence, you want every facet of your life to glorify God.  It’s important you don’t have a hidden corner totally reserved for yourself.  The Word instructs you to live your life so that every aspect of it can be viewed by others and glory be given to God as a result.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matt 5:16NKJV

Good works won’t buy your way into heaven.  But because you’re heaven bound and freed from the judgment of sin, you freely choose to give your best.  It is your desire to seek excellence, because it’s your gift of love to the One who loved you enough to die for you. 

You want to honor God.  You want to give your all, but you also know that just trying to live good and godly lives won’t cut it either.  And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; Isa 64:6 NKJV  However, this passage doesn’t give you a permission form to live life any way you want to live.  Because our God is holy, you know you must also attempt to be holy.

So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the special blessings that will come to you at the return of Jesus Christ. Obey God because you are his children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of doing evil; you didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God–who chose you to be his children–is holy.  For he himself has said, “You must be holy because I am holy.”  1 Peter 1:13-16 NLT

Holiness is not length of hair or clothing, for God is a spirit and His holiness is not dependent upon these outward standards.  So what is holiness?  It is more than being worthy, honorable or even free from sin.  It is Godlikeness.  It is selfless, replete in integrity, excellent in character.  It is being transparent.  Think about onions.  There are no hidden surprises in onions.  You are not going to find a hard seed or even a worm.  An onion is the same throughout.  No matter what garden you find your onion, it will still have this attribute of transparency.  What you see is what you get.

Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? God will bring ruin upon anyone who ruins this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you Christians are that temple.  1 Cor 3:16-17 NLT

I know that this lesson might seem out of place to anyone who would take the time to go to this site and read this article.  I don’t believe you are about to go out and rob a bank or kill someone.  But that doesn’t mean you or I are above temptation.  NONE, I repeat, NONE of us are above temptation.  Take a moment and think about the type of temptations Christian women might face in our culture and our era.  Are you exempt from them all?  I don’t think so.  I know I’m not.

So you should consider yourselves dead to sin and able to live for the glory of God through Christ Jesus.  Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to its lustful desires. Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life. And use your whole body as a tool to do what is right for the glory of God.  Rom 6:11-13  NLT

God’s Word is the plumb line for our lives.  Have you ever used a plum line?  If not, ask a carpenter or someone who wallpapers to show you how it works, because it works the same way in our lives.  If you use the standards of those around you as the measuring rod for your own excellence, you will be only as good as the company you keep.  God has something much better planned for you!  Your attitudes, appearance and actions should be based on God’s best for your life.  Your professional, ministry and volunteer work should be done well because you’re doing it for God.  Your parenting and friendships will be strengthened as you treat others as God would treat them.  All that you say and do is an offering, a thank you gift to Jesus for all He has done for you.

Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.  1 Cor 6:19-20  NLT

When Jesus came into your life, you gave ownership of your heart.  He’s the new owner.  You need to choose to read his owner’s manual and run your life according to it.  He made you, so He knows what’s best for you…even when it is change.  Change is uncomfortable, and it comes with a price.  You will have to invest time, money, energy and emotions.  The process of change is sometimes more effective with help.  A trusted friend, counselor or pastor can be God’s instrument in helping you succeed in your choice to listen to God’s voice. 

Posted under Pastor's Wives

You serve no one when you waste time trying to be a poor imitation of someone else.  Granted, you are to learn from those who are older, and wiser…but we are not to try to become them!  Each of us has a unique role to play at this time in history, and we will play it only by being comfortable in who we are.  Other people should inspire us,,,that’s good.  But when I cross over into comparison…that’s bad because it becomes destructive.  I can never be anyone else; I can only be a better me.

Each of us is irreplaceable, one of a kind…priceless!  And sometimes I wonder if it isn’t like a slap in God’s face when we refuse who He made us to be and want to be something else.  I know that my destiny, the reason I was put on the planet, will involve other people, will help others and will require others.  That much is the same for all of us.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said it like this:  “Everyone has the power of greatness, not for fame but greatness, because greatness is determined by service.”  Together we can accomplish great things, but only if each of us likes who she is, knows her purpose and is confidently committed to fulfilling it.  I’m not talking about self-centered, self-serving, and self-indulgent confidence.  I am talking about the confidence that comes from a sense of security, the confidence that allows you to help someone else, the confidence that allows you to give to someone else…DOES NOT DRIVE YOU!

King David said it this way:  “I am wonderfully made and I know it full well.”

Think about the following questions: 

1. What do you see when you look in the mirror?

1. What makes you special?  What is it that makes God smile when He thinks about you?

1. Do you know your purpose?  What is it?

1. What is your passion?

Posted under Pastor's Wives

The LORD is known by the judgment He executes; Ps 9:16NKJV

And a fool’s voice is known by his many words. Eccl 5:3NKJV

For every tree is known by its own fruit. Luke 6:43-44 NKJV

Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right. Prov 20:11KJV

What are the following Bible characters remembered for?

* Moses
* Deborah
* David
* Bathsheba
* Jezebel
* Esther
* Pilate
* Judas
* Paul

What are you known for?  Think about it for a minute.  How would others describe you?

· Would it be accurate?

· Is that what you want to be known for?

· Can you change it?

· How are you going to change it? Your reputation is very important because…

R.eputation

I.nfluences

P.otential

So what is your reputation in the church, community and business world?  Because your reputation will determine how people respond to your leadership. What you can accomplish for God will depend a great deal on how people perceive you. Do you have a reputation for the following leadership characteristics found in Romans 12:3-21? Do you have a reputation for being…

Humble: (Vs. 3-5) “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”

Someone who uses her gifts: (Vs. 6-8) “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.”

Devoted to serving and loving others: (Vs. 9-10) “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

Passionate about serving: (Vs. 11) Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

Prayerful; (Vs. 12) “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

A generous, giving person: (Vs. 13) “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”

Careful in your responses: (Vs. 14-21)

· Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

· Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

· Live in harmony with one another.

· Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

· Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.

· If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

· Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. NIV

If you’re going to have a reputation, it’s best to have a reputation that corresponds with the attributes found in Romans 12. Unfortunately, it’s not just going to happen by accident. You and I are human after all, and some of our natural responses, are well… probably not going to be of leadership quality.  In every situation, in every interaction, it’s important for you and I to check our responses. We need to check our attitude, our answers, and even our tone of voice and non-verbal signals. Being a leader isn’t easy. It’s especially difficult to be a woman in leadership. But nothing of any real value is easy.  And woman of God, you are valuable.  All your efforts will be worth it in the end.  Remember: R.I.P.

Posted under Pastor's Wives