Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. I will always pray for you, and I will make my requests with a heart full of joy because you are my partner. And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again. It is right that I should feel as I do about you, for you have a very special place in my heart. We have shared together the blessings of God, both it difficult times and in good. God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus. I pray that our love for each other will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in your knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live a pure and blameless life until Christ returns. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation–those good things that are produced in your life by Jesus Christ–for this will bring much glory and praise to God.Taken from: Philippians 1:3- 11 NLT

May God bless you for all you give to others. May He bless you with wisdom, strength, perception and grace. May discouraging words crafted by the enemy, spoken through those closest to you fall on deaf ears. May you hear only those words coming from the throne of God’s grace. May you spend quality time with your family without thoughts of ministry intruding. May you recieve hope for the future and specific direction for the coming year. May you sleep soundly and find rest not only for your body but for your soul. May God surround you with a prayer shield who will constantly lift you and your family up in prayer. May God remove those people from your inner circle who have been positioned there by the enemy to discourage and to distract. May your prayer times be sweet and your study in God’s Word revelatory. May God bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you. May His grace surround you this day. In Jesus name, Amen.

Pastor Chris McQuay
 

Posted under Pastor's Wives

By Pastor Chris McQuay

I love my car.  Okay, that doesn’t sound spiritual.  I really like my car.  It’s a 5 year old Ford T-Bird…canary yellow.  It’s a convertible.  It does more than just take me from place to place.  It allows the wind to blow through my hair and the cobwebs out of my mind.  It’s exhilarating.  It’s fun. It’s also one of my prayer rooms.  Driving is an experience.  But it can’t give me all of this “joy” without a bit of maintenance.  It’s not a new car after all.  Maintenance is a day-to-day, year-to-year process that is continued throughout the time that you own your car.  But as you can guess, this article is not about cars.  It’s about you and me, and our need for maintenance in our personal lives and ministries.  Pastoring is a challenging calling.  It requires more maintenance than most.  And frankly, my sister in ministry, if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.  Yes, others will contribute to your wellbeing. (See point two.) But you must take ownership of this particular “car.”  With routine maintenance, you and I will stay healthy and productive.  I recommend three categories of maintenance: daily routine, support systems, and recycling.

1.       Daily Routine Maintenance  -  Daily maintenance includes regular times of prayer, as well as spontaneous times of prayer throughout the day.  Prayer includes taking a moment to be still before the Lord and listen to His directives for your life and for your ministry.  Keep a notebook nearby and jot down the things the Lord speaks to your heart, so that you can make sure that you follow His guidance.  Routine daily maintenance also includes times of:

·         Praise

·         Bible study

·         Ministry study with books and tapes

2.       Support network -  “No man is an island,” is not scripture, but it is a biblical principle.  We all need people to help us to maintain our spiritual growth, and the growth of our ministries.  However, do not wait until things are in crisis before you approach someone for help.  Develop relationships that can give you PRACTICAL help in dealing with issues, situations and people.  These relationships need to be ongoing, although some of them you will need to keep in contact more than others.  Make sure you’re involved in some sort of small group that will ask you pertinent questions and keep you accountable.  Also seek to establish relationships with a number of people who can be:

·         Prayer partners

·         Mentors

·         Sounding boards & and laughing buddies

3.       Recycling  -  If things are not going in the right direction or at the right speed, do not be afraid to cycle back to the place where you first noticed things were not working.   There may even times when you need to cycle all the way back to the beginning and start over.  That’s okay.  Take the basic materials, recycle them and start over.  Life is all about change.  Change with the times and seasons.  God’s Will last month, may not be the direction He wants for you to go this month.  Be willing to be flexible and change.  Ask yourself the following questions:

·         Is what I’m feeling discouragement, a normal but not welcome result of stress and overwork?

·         If this is discouragement, what lifestyle changes can I make to reduce stress?

·         If the ministry, in which I’m involved, is coming up short, when did I first notice the problem?  What should I do about it? 

Take care of yourself, woman of God.  Don’t apologize for the need.  Recognize you are worth the time and investment, even if no one else besides God does.  This is the only “car” you have, take care of it.

Posted under Pastor's Wives

Most pastor’s wives are stressed.  There is just so much to do and so little time and energy to get it all done.  We can take all of the time management courses in the world but there would still be too much to do.  There’s the world to save, after all.  But God never intended for you to be it all or do it all.  He placed people in your sphere of influence to help you.  The problem is identifying them, because some of them are definitely diamonds in the rough.  But here are some discernable attributes for which you should look:

1.  INFLUENCE  -  Everything begins with influence. Look for people who possess the ability to directly and indirectly influence others in a positive way.  Even when they are not fulfilling a position of leadership, these people are often the ones that others look to for advice and suggestions. 

2.   INTEGRITY  - This is a character trait.  But it is also a quality of being that radiates from within.  Somehow you just know that this person will be straight with you.  You know that they practice what they preach.  Integrity places a high value on people.  Integrity does not sacrifice long-term benefit for short-term success. Integrity places what is best for the organization over personal desires.

                                           Psalm 15
Who may worship in your sanctuary, LORD? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to slander others or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. Those who despise persistent sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the LORD and keep their promises even when it hurts. Those who do not charge interest on the money they lend, and who refuse to accept bribes to testify against the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever. NLT
3. GIFTED -   Look for people who are gifted in:

- Loyalty - Alone, loyalty doesn’t not make people candidates for leadership.  But lack of loyalty definitely disqualifies them.  Do not keep anyone close to you whom you cannot trust.

- Passion - Passion is the energy that drives the church, not the purpose.  Purpose is the focus.  The passion is what gets you there.

- Competence  - Leaders must be organized and perform with excellence.

- People skills  -  Watch how they interact with people.  They have the ability to deal with difficult people with wisdom and grace.

- Perception -  Every person is naturally intuitive in his area of gifting.  But that doesn’t mean that all people use their intuition.
 
- Commitment  - The inner strength to keep going when everyone else gives up, even if the odds are over-whelming.  Instills a work ethic in people.

- Perseverance  -  Leaders do what ever it takes to get the job done.

                                         2 Peter 1:5-7
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.  NKJV

I pray the peace of God that passes all understanding to be with you today.  I ask our Father to help you to see the people He has already placed around you to assist you in fulfilling your purposes in His Kingdom.  I bless you with the sure knowledge that you are not alone.  Much love….

Posted under Pastor's Wives

Definition of E. G. People:  Someone important to you that’s affecting your life or ministry in a negative way.  When you are in the ministry you are in touch with a lot of E.G. people.  I’d like to help you with that if I can. 
 
First of all, you need to understand that the E.G.’s behavior and attitude can certainly be a problem, but they are not THE problem.  They are manifestations or symptoms of the way he or she looks at life, and that’s important to understand.  You need to get a glimpse of how the E.G. person sees life and relationships, because it most likely is not how you do. You need to be able to understand this before you can successfully deal with them.
 
Most people believe their lives and feelings matter.  That’s normal.  But for the E.G. person, that’s taken to a whole new level.  They feel like their experiences matter more.  They have trouble empathizing with the feelings of others, especially if they are the cause any hurt or difficulty.  It’s hard for them to really SEE their own failures and deal with them.  They’ve probably been that way for a long time, and quite frankly are comfortable with who and what they are.  The E.G. person doesn’t have a great deal of motivation to change.  That’s important to remember when you are dealing with them.
 
But don’t get the idea that they are bad people.  While there are certainly some really bad people out there, your E.G. person probably has some very good qualities that you’ll need to keep in perspective when dealing with them.  They might have a sense of humor, be intelligent or popular with some groups of people.   Find their good points and keep them in mind when you are talking to them, so that your E.G. person won’t feel judged, or looked down upon by you.  When they feel your “critical attitude” it only perpetuates the problem.  So how do you work with your E.G. people?  I’m glad you asked.
 
1.  GOD
You care about your E.G. person and want things to go well between the two of you.  Yet that person is free to choose his behavior toward you, his attitudes and whether he even wants to be in relationship with you.  Loving an E.G. person can be downright difficult.  But God gets it.  He understands the situation.  He’s experienced it. 
 
E.G.’s can be complicated people who create complicated relationships.  Yet God shines the light of truth and understanding on these matters.  He is the one who “knows the secrets of the heart.”  (Ps. 44:21)  He is aware of the inconsistencies, the sudden mood shifts, the counterattacks and blaming, and all the things in your E.G. person that mystify you.  These are not mysteries to Him; rather He can help you through the maze.  It’s also important to remember that God loves your difficult person and wants the best for him; just as He does you.  If you have run out of love, ask God for His. 
 
2. CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT
 
-         Respect the wall.  When people are threatened, they build a wall.  Instead of trying to knock down the wall with a sledgehammer, respect the wall.  Create a safe environment in which the other person can gradually take down the wall.
-        Honor others.  What I mean by honoring others is to see them as valuable.  See them as God sees them.  Honor creates a safe environment in which people can come together.
-        Suspend judgment.  When we express genuine interest in people rather than judge them, relationships have a better chance of growing.
-        Value differences.  When we value our differences rather than make them the focus of our conflict, we create a place of safety.
 
3.       YOUR WORDS
 
The first rule of communication is “LISTEN.”  Listen to the feelings beyond the words.  People generally feel more understood, cared for and connected when the communication focuses on their emotions and feelings rather than on their words or thoughts.  And the real message is most often found in the emotion behind the words.  Allow others’ emotions to touch you.  People feel loved when they know you truly understand their feelings.
 
Look at communication as a process of discovery rather than a tool to problem solve.  When you do, you often solve the problems by default.  Effective communication starts with safety.  When you listen rather than judge or correct, you create a safe environment for understanding to grow.  Communication is about understanding, not determining who’s right.  That’s all well and good unless it is one of those times when you must be the authority.  If it is one of those cases and you’ve not had real good success with confrontation, it might be good to first role-play with a safe person.  Too much can go wrong, especially if you aren’t used to confronting.
 
Remember that every conversation has at least two dimensions: tone and content.  Tone has to do with how your voice sounds when you say something, and of course, content is what you are saying.  Use warmth in your tone of voice.  Warmth conveys safety and care, and it has the best chance of keeping your E.G. person from becoming even more defensive than they already are.  Speak from your experience and life; speak from your heart.  Stay with what you feel, think and perceive.  Don’t speak at the person, to use all-inclusive words like, always and never
 
Tell them about specific behaviors or words that illustrate the problem.  What is observable generally has a root cause to it, but stay with the behavior.  State the problem’s effect.  The more you show how what they do hurt the we the better your chances of breaking through their defenses.  Say what you want them to change.  But keep I mind that there may be times when what you desire is something that is beyond the E.G.’s ability at this time.  You don’t want to get in the problem of asking something that they cannot do.  Request something that they can do and that will help empower them to change.
 
Be prepared for the possibility that, though you have gone through the steps of the talk, the E.G. person may still be resistant.  They may deny, minimize, rationalize, or blame the problem on you.  Don’t be surprised by this.  Understand that they may have used deflection or responsibility as a life pattern for a long time.   Listen, and then get back on track.  Hear out the excuse or blame, but refocus on your request for change.  Above all pray for wisdom and compassion from God, and remember that you are not responsible for their change, just how you present the request.

Posted under Pastor's Wives

After completing Part 2 of our three part exercise, I want to share two scriptures with you:
 
(Psalm 39:4-5 NLT) “LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away. My life is no longer than the width of my hand. An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath.”
 
(Proverbs 3:27) “Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow’ — when you now have it with you.

Part 3:  Now, take time to write down what is in your heart right now and write a plan of action that will set your course for the rest of this year.
 
Thank you for participating in these exercises.
 
Blessings in 2008

Posted under Pastor's Wives

Hi Ladies:
 
 
Reflection:
 
If you only had a year to live, write three things you would do.
 
1.                        ________________________________
 
2.                        ________________________________
 
3.                        ________________________________

Posted under Pastor's Wives

Happy New Year!

I spent New Year’s Eve at a friend’s home. This was such a beautiful spiritual encounter with God. Over the next few weeks I want to take you on this Journey.

Three Part Encounter for the New Year

We need to take another look and see God’s blessings

I. Name five things you are most grateful for in 2007

1. ____________________________________________

2. ____________________________________________

3. ____________________________________________

4. ____________________________________________

5. ____________________________________________

Posted under Pastor's Wives

by Pastor Pat Johnson

Every Christmas my mom and brother spend the night with my family for Christmas Eve. We have a great time baking cookies for Santa (LOL) and putting out carrots and water for the reindeers! We read the story of Christmas from the Bible and allow the kids to open one gift…it is always a new pair of pajamas so that the Christmas morning pictures are cute! The next morning we wake up with the birds, open gifts and have a wonderful breakfast together.

Posted under Pastor's Wives

by Pastor Amber Payne
We have many wonderful Christmas traditions! When Chris and I joined in marriage, I found the joy of joining our family’s long-standing traditions together. On our first Christmas I could not have known how wonderful it could be to be a part of a new family at Christmas time.  God designed it for me to have a new family become a part of my Christmases to come.
 
My mother passed away a few weeks before our first Christmas as a married couple. I dreaded it so much, especially since the responsibility for hosting Christmas fell on me, the only married daughter at the time.  I tried to do all the things mom had done; bake homemade cinnamon rolls that morning, cook our family’s Christmas dinner, have the house decorated to the nines, and a perfect gift for everyone. The truth is that the effort was appreciated but our hearts were just not into Christmas without our mother, who was always the perfect hostess.

The next day we flew out to Tennessee to my new in-laws home for a celebration with Chris and his family. How could I have known the blessing that was in store for me! My new mother-in-law (Cathy), her sister (Aunt Sharon), and her mother (Grandma Gail) wrapped their love around me like a cozy blanket protecting me from the bitter cold of grief. They invited me into their traditions and made me feel like I truly belonged in everything they did.  And since that year they have given me many new and fantastic Christmas traditions! Traditions passed down thru generations of their family that now my children share.

What fun and wonderful traditions they are! On Christmas Eve we read “The night before Christmas” from a giant book they have had since Chris was small. We put out cookies for Santa (even when there were no children yet). We open one gift in expectation of a full day of gift unwrapping starting the next morning, and wear Christmas PJ’s for pictures while opening the other gifts. Then we read The Christmas Story from the Bible and sing a few of our favorite Christmas hymns while Chris’s mother or grandmother plays the piano. Then hugs and kisses are spread all around and we are all off to bed!

Christmas mornings are just as wonderful as the Christmas Eves! We awake and now serve my cinnamon rolls and their chipped beef gravy with biscuits! We make sure Santa ate the cookie and drank the milk! We unwrap gifts, one person at a time so they can have a moment in the spot light (or with Chris’s family an hour in the spotlight- they truly have giving hearts!) Then all the women make what they do best for a big old-fashion Christmas dinner. We set out the fine china (passed down from grandma), the sparkling crystal, and the loveliest linens. We share Christmas blessings and memories around the table before we pray over our meal. And later that night we watch our favorite Christmas movies together while snacking on all the treats that Chris’s mom baked for days before our arrival. 

I still wear the silver cross I received from my mother, a gift she had already bought me before she passed that first Christmas without her. I still set out her small crystal nativity set. I still miss her homemade cinnamon rolls. But God knows just how to place those in our life that can begin to fill the voids. He knew from the beginning that there would come a time when I would be motherless. In His wisdom that flows from His genuine concern for us, He matched me with a husband who had a family with three lovely women that would pour their unconditional love, their Godly heritage, and their amazing traditions into me.

I pray each year God blesses you with loved ones that will share the joy of the holidays with you!

Posted under Pastor's Wives

10 Reasons We Thank You!

Thank you for standing with the pastor when others have walked away.

Thank you for being the first to support your husband in prayer.

Thank you for loving the church and sacrificing your time and your life.

Thank you for giving of your finances to build the house of God.

Thank you for obeying the call of God with your husband.

Thank you for raising your children in the fishbowl and being a steward of them as a precious gift to God (because they are)!

Thank you for not quitting, but persevering.

Thank you for forgiving time and time again.

Thank you for remaining faithful to God and not man!

Thank you for what you do in private that goes unnoticed by the public eye.
I just wanted you to know that we appreciate pastor wives. Pastor wives give to their husband, children and church. Thank you! Because I know you give so much to everybody that many times you go unnoticed.

“Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.”
Proverbs 31:30

Posted under Pastor's Wives