by Pastor Amber Payne
We have many wonderful Christmas traditions! When Chris and I joined in marriage, I found the joy of joining our family’s long-standing traditions together. On our first Christmas I could not have known how wonderful it could be to be a part of a new family at Christmas time.  God designed it for me to have a new family become a part of my Christmases to come.
 
My mother passed away a few weeks before our first Christmas as a married couple. I dreaded it so much, especially since the responsibility for hosting Christmas fell on me, the only married daughter at the time.  I tried to do all the things mom had done; bake homemade cinnamon rolls that morning, cook our family’s Christmas dinner, have the house decorated to the nines, and a perfect gift for everyone. The truth is that the effort was appreciated but our hearts were just not into Christmas without our mother, who was always the perfect hostess.

The next day we flew out to Tennessee to my new in-laws home for a celebration with Chris and his family. How could I have known the blessing that was in store for me! My new mother-in-law (Cathy), her sister (Aunt Sharon), and her mother (Grandma Gail) wrapped their love around me like a cozy blanket protecting me from the bitter cold of grief. They invited me into their traditions and made me feel like I truly belonged in everything they did.  And since that year they have given me many new and fantastic Christmas traditions! Traditions passed down thru generations of their family that now my children share.

What fun and wonderful traditions they are! On Christmas Eve we read “The night before Christmas” from a giant book they have had since Chris was small. We put out cookies for Santa (even when there were no children yet). We open one gift in expectation of a full day of gift unwrapping starting the next morning, and wear Christmas PJ’s for pictures while opening the other gifts. Then we read The Christmas Story from the Bible and sing a few of our favorite Christmas hymns while Chris’s mother or grandmother plays the piano. Then hugs and kisses are spread all around and we are all off to bed!

Christmas mornings are just as wonderful as the Christmas Eves! We awake and now serve my cinnamon rolls and their chipped beef gravy with biscuits! We make sure Santa ate the cookie and drank the milk! We unwrap gifts, one person at a time so they can have a moment in the spot light (or with Chris’s family an hour in the spotlight- they truly have giving hearts!) Then all the women make what they do best for a big old-fashion Christmas dinner. We set out the fine china (passed down from grandma), the sparkling crystal, and the loveliest linens. We share Christmas blessings and memories around the table before we pray over our meal. And later that night we watch our favorite Christmas movies together while snacking on all the treats that Chris’s mom baked for days before our arrival. 

I still wear the silver cross I received from my mother, a gift she had already bought me before she passed that first Christmas without her. I still set out her small crystal nativity set. I still miss her homemade cinnamon rolls. But God knows just how to place those in our life that can begin to fill the voids. He knew from the beginning that there would come a time when I would be motherless. In His wisdom that flows from His genuine concern for us, He matched me with a husband who had a family with three lovely women that would pour their unconditional love, their Godly heritage, and their amazing traditions into me.

I pray each year God blesses you with loved ones that will share the joy of the holidays with you!

Posted under Pastor's Wives

10 Reasons We Thank You!

Thank you for standing with the pastor when others have walked away.

Thank you for being the first to support your husband in prayer.

Thank you for loving the church and sacrificing your time and your life.

Thank you for giving of your finances to build the house of God.

Thank you for obeying the call of God with your husband.

Thank you for raising your children in the fishbowl and being a steward of them as a precious gift to God (because they are)!

Thank you for not quitting, but persevering.

Thank you for forgiving time and time again.

Thank you for remaining faithful to God and not man!

Thank you for what you do in private that goes unnoticed by the public eye.
I just wanted you to know that we appreciate pastor wives. Pastor wives give to their husband, children and church. Thank you! Because I know you give so much to everybody that many times you go unnoticed.

“Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.”
Proverbs 31:30

Posted under Pastor's Wives

Pastor’s wife, first lady, pastor…it doesn’t matter what people call you…you know who you really are.  You are the woman who supports her husband, cares for the needs of your family while living in a fishbowl, ministers to the needs of your congregation and community, and still answers graciously when someone asks, “Do you have a minute?” and you know full well they mean an hour.  No matter how much you do, or how well, there are always people who expect more.  Most of us are “people pleasers” at some level, so this might be the hardest thing of all…doing your best and it is just not good enough.  I recognize that all of us are involved in different ministries and at different levels, but the one common denominator for us all is we experience seasons of weariness, and flat out exhaustion.  Society has developed a term for what we experience.  It is called “burn out.” We’ve all been there at one time or another in our lives.  I’ve been there…several times.  Whether you are there right now or not, I have a few suggestions that may help you live healthier and yes, more productive lives. 

1. Stop each day before you fall down.  Quit while you still feel pretty good.  Don’t try to finish the day’s “To-Do-List.”  It will be there tomorrow!

2. Guard your sleep time.  You can’t catch up on your sleep.  Scientifically, it’s just not possible.  So don’t deceive yourself by thinking, I’ll get more rest next week.  Next week never seems to come and even if it does, it doesn’t really restore what long seasons of less than adequate rest takes out of you.

3. Eat the right food.  Wrong food robs you of your needed energy.  Stay away from sugar, caffeine, salt and empty calorie foods.  Eat foods that are rich in vitamins.  Okay, splurge once and a while, but don’t make it a regular habit.  And stay away from eating late at night.

4. Exercise regularly.  Even though you are exhausted, push yourself to start a small exercise program.  Each day extend it another minute.  Work at it until you can exercise for 30 minutes a day, four days a week.  Now, don’t shudder.  Start out small and work yourself up until you can do this on a regular basis.  Do not wait until you have the energy or you never will.  Start now.

5. PRIVATE DEVOTION TIME… Regular times of prayer and meditation on the word. Don’t allow the pressing needs of people to push your time with the Lord to moments stolen while you are driving or in the shower.  Sit down with the Lord and rest in Him.

6. Don’t put off making decisions, because it will only compound your burnout.  Make a list of the pros and cons of any situation; ask counsel of the Lord and godly advisors and then chose.  Just do it and get it over with.

7. Surround yourself with supportive people; people who love you no matter what, people you would trust to tell you the truth about yourself,  people with whom you can be yourself, and people who will be a prayer shield for you, encircling you with prayer.  I’m not saying that one person will have all of these to provide all of these needs.  The point is, you are there for everyone else, and you need to have people who are there for you. 

8. Stand up for yourself.  If you don’t, believe me, no one else will.   Even if you have a wonderful support network that loves you, you should not depend on them to do what you should do.  If you depend on others for this, you are creating an unhealthy co-dependency.  So woman of God, when God tells you to stand…stand…even if it is for yourself.

9. Keep your life as simple right now as possible.  Take some “down time.”  It would be best if you can go away, but if you can’t, carve out some time in your schedule to do nice things for yourself.  Don’t tell yourself that you just don’t have the time.  You need to take regular periods away from demanding, needy people.  If you do not make time for yourself, you will not be able to continue.  If you do continue, it will be just putting one foot in front of the other.  You will lose your effectiveness, your joy and your peace.  So take time NOW!  No excuses!

Posted under Pastor's Wives

“The Pastor’s wife is the only woman I know who is asked to work full time without pay on her husband’s job, in a role no one has yet defined.”
Ruthe White

While traveling overseas on missions I have found that regardless of geopolitical boundaries and distinctive cultural differences, pastor’s wives all face the same issues. How do you raise a family in a fish bowl? How do you deal with unrealistic expectations? You are there for everyone else, but where do you go for counsel, encouragement and direction? Has anyone ever clearly defined the role? These are serious questions that deserve serious answers. We have created this confidential site to answer these and other pressing issues of the pastorate. Please submit your questions, concerns, prayer requests and victories to help others on the front lines.

The late Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ and the Global Pastors Network, gleaned these figures from various sources a few years ago:

    * Eighty percent of pastors and 84 percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their roles.
    * Eighty percent of pastors’ spouses feel their spouse is overworked.
    * Almost 40 percent of pastors polled said they have had an extramarital affair since beginning their ministry.
    * Fifty percent of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce.
    * Eighty percent of pastors’ wives feel left out and unappreciated by the church members.

Were you discouraged before you read the statistics? Are you discouraged now? It get’s worse. Aren’t I just sunshine and daisies today? I have also heard that over 50 percent of pastor’s wives have no close friends in the church in which they can confide. I know that when I first started in the ministry, friends in the church were frowned upon…something about it not getting too close to the laity. HOGWASH… who developed the term laity in the first place? It is this separation in the church that has caused many of our problems. As a pastor’s wife of 30 something years, with enough scars to prove it, let me just say that you were called to lead but not to stand alone. I want to encourage you to take this matter of friends to God in prayer. Ask HIM to point out someone who is compassionate, flexible and trustworthy enough with whom you can develop a relationship. Everyone will not have the characteristics you need in a friend. But I believe there’s someone… and probably several “someones” specifically designed by God to be a good friend. You need to believe it too. Don’t do this journey alone…find someone with whom you can have a comfortable, and encouraging relationship. Make little overtures…start out slow. But start. In fact, start today.

Posted under Pastor's Wives

by Pastor Amber Payne

We have many wonderful Christmas traditions! When Chris and I joined in marriage, I found the joy of joining our family’s long-standing traditions together. On our first Christmas I could not have known how wonderful it could be to be a part of a new family at Christmas time.  God designed it for me to have a new family become a part of my Christmases to come.

Posted under Pastor's Wives