Wow!  The statistics are real.  The divorce rate is through the roof, even in Christian marriages.  What happened to the day of your wedding when you were so in love, the sky was blue and the birds were chirping a beautiful song?  Life happened.  Mortgages, children, jobs, mean words, hurt feelings, broken promises, and the birds flew away – Life!  Time passes and those hurt feelings are not dealt with.  You want to talk about your hurts but somewhere inside is a tiny voice that tells you that you will only open yourself up to more hurt.  What do you do?

When our heart has been broken or things have happened to us physically or emotionally, we communicate out of that emotion.  Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”  Sometimes we take the guarding of our heart to a military stance.  We store our emotions and our feelings in our own private vault so that no one will ever hurt us again. There we are all safe and enclosed in our protected shell and no one can get in.  The problem is that none of that bitterness gets out either.  That very bitterness that we nurse is the bitterness that we project on our husbands.  We can’t deny the hurt, the pain, and the misuse of trust.  But in doing so we deny ourselves the healing that we so desperately need and the marriage that God has called us for.

The best strategy to turn that “like” back into love is to love and honor him. I can hear you already- But he hurt me and that hurt is real.  We can’t deny the hurt, but if we are to have our relational needs met then we have to forgive.

He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends. -Proverbs 17:9

A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression. Proverbs 19:11

By releasing the hurt, we are able to fully forgive our husbands and allow God to heal our hearts. How do we do that?

1.     Ask God to help you forgive.  Why?  Because God tells us to forgive over and over again -70×7.  (Matthew 18:21-22)

2.     Pray.  Ask God to lead you in all matters, especially those concerning your husband.  God created marriage.  He knows that your heart will be tender and that this step will be hard, but He will help you.

3.     Surround yourself with people that are encouraging, supportive, and that will hold you accountable for how you treat your husband. The bottom line here is that you are accountable to God for how you treat him.

Will the change happen overnight? Nope!  Not gonna happen.  But it will come. It is going to take sacrifice by forgiving, speaking in love (even when you don’t really feel like it), and seeking God even more.  The reward is far greater than you can imagine.

-Patricia Earley

Posted under Marriage